Highway to Hell
by anakinlove
Summary: Batman hates road trips, especailly when the rest of the Justice Leauge and their kiddies come along for the ride.
1. Chapter 1

**Ok guys, I am so sorry I haven't written anything in a bit. I am so ashamed of myself. Anyway, here is chapter numero uno of my newest work. Anyone who would like a preview of coming attractions can PM me because there is bunches of good stuff coming up, I can tell you right now. We have Superman/Batman action coming up because I just finished Superman and Batman public enemies by the way, which was a decent movie, I suppose. Lot of action, low on story content, but what can you expect? Anyway, I love them as a team because they're just really cool together. We also have some more Roy stuff going on, because I love Roy. Yea, ok, so here is Chapter one. Hurrah for road trips. **

"Superman", Batman yelled, "Superman get over here and help me get this thing in the car." Batman put all his weight against the suitcase and pushed as hard as he could. He had measured the space he had available for the suitcase, calculated the volume and done several other odd calculations and come up with figures that did not lie, the suitcase would fit in the space if he applied the right amount of pressure.

Unfortunately, he wasn't quite able to get that much pressure out. "Coming Batman", Superman said, flying over. He gave the suitcase a little nudge and it settled neatly into place. Batman gave a foul natured grunt and walked off. Superman rolled his eyes. "A thank you wouldn't be out of place here, you know."

Batman muttered something unintelligible, which Superman decided he would assume to be a thank you. "You're welcome" he called back cheerfully. Batman muttered something else and snatched Robin up from the ground just as the boy zoomed around his right leg.

"Hey", Robin said, folding his arms and sticking out his bottom lip, "I was playing tag. Put me down."

"Time to get in the car", Batman said. He put Robin up on his shoulders and moved to put a couple more things in the car. Robin squealed with pleasure, obviously enjoying being up as high as he was, and put his chin down on Batman's cowl.

"Batman, why are we driving on this trip and not flying? I mean, flying would be faster." Batman shrugged.

"I don't know, some lame brained idea of Superman's."

"I heard that", the man of steel called back jovially, "but I'm not going to complain because I want us all to have a good time."

"We're surveying the country in a car on a road trip", Batman said, "there is no possible way we're going to be having a good time with this."

"I wanna see the world's largest ball of string", Flash said, donning his sunglasses.

"And I wanna see the barbed wire museum", said Speedy.

"Why?" Batman asked. Speedy shrugged and put his arms around the Green Arrow's leg.

"Speedy, let go please, I'm trying to pack."

"You're not bothering me", Speedy replied. Arrow gave him a sarcastic smile.

"Excellent, because that was definitely all I was worried about here. Speedy, you're going to trip me." The eight year old gave a huff and reluctantly unwound his arms.

"We should take roll call", Superman said.

"I'm gone", said Batman, "come on Robin, lets go."

"No", Robin said, "I wanna go on the road trip. Superman said it would be fun."

"Yes well Robin, that's precisely why it won't be fun. Now, come along."

"You're not getting out of this Batman", Superman said, "come on, it's an adventure. We'll get to see new things, meet new people…"

"I don't like new things or new people", Batman said stubbornly. Wonder Woman rolled her eyes and shifted Wonder Girl to her hip.

"Come on Batman", Superman said, "don't you want to make new friends?"

"I don't have any friends", Batman sniffed arrogantly, "and I don't need any."

Then, he heard Robin start to whimper and lifted him off his shoulders. "But Batman", Robin said unhappily, tears starting to well up in his eyes. "I thought I was your friend."

"Of course you're my friend Robin, but you're my only friend."

"Ok", Robin said gleefully.

"See Superman, I only need one friend."

"Well, I want to make new friends", Superman replied.

"You don't have to travel to make new friends", Batman said, "come to Gotham. There's a plethora of rapists and muggers and homicidal maniacs for you to make friends with. My fist makes friends with them every night. Or, why don't you make friends with…that guy across the street?"

Superman rolled his eyes and called out, "Hey Bob, how's the family?"

The guy waved and called out happily, "Just fine Superman, just fine." Batman scowled angrily.

"You are just too nice Superman, it's…disgusting. Who cares how that guy's family is?"

"Batman", Superman said chidingly, "that's not very nice."

"I'm not a very nice person", Batman replied huffily, "hasn't that been established yet? Well, come on Robin, I guess since its going to be impossible for us to wiggle out of this, I might as well get in the car."

He placed Robin in a seat and got up front. All of the kids would be in the back seat of the Bat van (as it was being called by everyone now) while the adults would take up the front row and two front seats. They would switch off driving. "This is going to be a long trip", Batman muttered, leaning foul naturedly against the side of the car, "a very long trip."

J**ust so you guys know, this is based on my many road trip happenings so if anyone has a spectacular road trip tradition that could be totally hilarious if a hero did it, PM me please because I would love to hear it and have Batman do it with the other kiddies. I Spy will be epic! **


	2. Chapter 2

"I'm board", Robin moaned, "I wanna do something."

"I'm squished", Speedy moaned, "I wanna get out of the car." Batman closed his eyes and counted to fifty.

After he was done, he calmly faced the children in the back and said, "Well, I'm sorry but you're just going to have to entertain yourselves." Robin crossed his arms in a moody nine-year-old fashion and faced Batman with a glare. Batman glared back at him. Robin stuck out his tongue. Just for good measure, Batman stuck his tongue out back at him. Then, he turned around and tried to return to his book.

"Whatcha reading", a happy voice asked. Batman started to tremble with barely controlled rage.

"The history of the boomerang", he replied sharply. Arrow lifted the cover to look at the title (which in case you didn't know, really annoys us introverts when we're reading).

"Sounds boring", Arrow said, "lets talk."

"No thank you", Batman said, "I'm trying to read."

"But I'm board", Arrow whined, "come on, entertain me." Batman gave him the glare that made criminals shake in their beds. "Ok", Arrow said, backing off with hands raised, "I'll leave you alone then. That's fine. I'll find someone else to entertain me." Suddenly, a scream erupted from the back seat. All the adults turned to the back.

"What is it Robin?" Batman asked angrily.

"Speedy licked me", Robin replied meekly. Speedy started to giggle.

"Speedy", Arrow said, "no licking." Batman was, at this point, about to explode. The kids in the back had started a chorus of "I'm board's" and Arrow again started in with his questions about Batman's book. Batman felt the noise swirl around as it so often happens in the movies and finally exploded with burst of rage.

"Stop the car", he yelled at the top of his lungs. Aquaman was so surprised, he stomped down on the breaks. Batman threw the door open and stalked out of the car. "We're taking a break", he said as he walked out.

"Yea", Robin squealed, and jumped out of the car. Batman was now stalking into a small, dusty looking town and Robin rushed to catch up with him. "Where are we going now Batman?" he asked. Batman shrugged.

"I don't know, I just want to find a saloon and down a couple of be…I mean orange juices."

"Cool", said Robin, "I want apple juice." Batman fought back a little grin and ruffled Robin's hair. But, as soon as Batman walked into the town, he knew something was wrong. It was unnervingly quiet with dust swirling all around. Robin came up a little closer to Batman and gripped at his hand.

"Batman", he asked softly, "what's going on?" Batman shook his head and put a finger to his lips. Then, he melted into the alleyway shadows. Robin slunk into the shadows with him. Arrow was by Batman's side in an instant, knocking an arrow.

"What's going on Bat's?" he asked. Batman shook his head and swept his hand over the area, indicating that he wanted the league to spread out in a fan formation and check the area. Superman flew up above the town with Super boy on his shoulder while the rest of the leaguers crept through the shadows, partners at their heels.

Batman rounded a corner with Robin and took in the sight before him. Robin, not noticing as quickly, continued to walk. Batman grabbed him by the shoulder and tugged him back into the shadow. Robin gave him a questioning look and Batman silently pointed at the building around the corner. Both Gotham heroes peered out from behind the corner.

There was what seemed to be the entire population of the town on the ground in front of what Batman assumed to be the bank. Men with guns patrolled around the mass of people on the ground. "Alright", one man hissed, "finish up getting the cash and we're out." Batman looked over and spotted Arrow and Speedy. He nodded to them and four projectiles suddenly shot towards the men. Two arrows hit the ground within three feet of each other and shot out gas. Two baterangs knocked a few guns out of people's hands. There was panic as some of the hostages ran for cover and the shots of guns.

Then, the Justice League emerged from the smoke screen like ghosts. Some of the gunmen ran from them as soon as they saw them, their screams echoing through the screen, but most stood their ground, turning their guns on the heroes. Two whips snaked out and grabbed some men, pulling them foreward while baterangs and kicks nabbed others.

Arrows took a few down and streams of water and just plain fists hit a few. Soon, the gang was tied up in the center of the town. The former hostages milled around happily. "Ohh thank you all", one man said, "I'm so grateful for you saving us. I'm the mayor of this here town and as a thank you, we'd be right pleased if you'd spend the night here."

"We'd be right pleased if you'd spend the night here", Batman mimicked in a low voice to Robin. Robin giggled.

"No thank you", Superman said, seeing that the idea was not going to go over well with Batman, "we had better be going." The town's people looked very unhappy at this, but Batman stalked off so quickly, they didn't have time to beg or plead.

"You are so rude Batman", Superman said.

"So", Batman replied, "they're country hicks from a little backwoods small town. I don't need to be nice to them, and I hate small towns."

"Batman", Superman said, "I'm from a small town."

"Precisely my point", said Batman and he got in the car.


	3. Chapter 3

Superman did his best to remain patient in order to try and pacify the situation, but Batman was about to explode. "No", he said, "no, no, no, absolutely not, I am not, I'm just not."

"Batman", Superman said, trying his best to soothe his frazzled friend, "we don't have a choice."

"I am not sharing a room", Batman said stubbornly, crossing his arms, "absolutely not. I will share a room with Robin, no one else."

"Yea", Robin said excitedly, "I'm special."

"You can share with me", Superman said, "then it won't be that bad, right?"

"I'm getting a tent", Batman snapped, and turned around.

Superman rolled his eyes and said to the clerk, "I'll just be a moment, we'll take all the rooms you have available." The clerk nodded.

"Batman", Superman hissed, stalking over, "you're embarrassing me and you're acting like a child. Please, just cooperate." Batman, however, was dead set against sharing a room with anyone, even if this was the only motel for a hundred miles that still had rooms open, though not enough to have each of the leaguers get their own.

This was because the town they were staying in was having its annual corn shucking festival (Batman had a few choice words to say about that) and because it was the biggest event of the year, people from miles came to take part. Batman had already tried to buy just about everyone in the hotel out of their room, but he had been stopped by the sheriff for disturbing the peace and harassing the public. No one would sell.

Batman, used to getting his way when he flashed bills under people's noses, was noticeably perturbed. "Look Bats", Arrow said coming up, "lets you, me, Speedy and Robin room together."

Batman narrowed his eyes to slits, as if deep in thought, for a moment and said, "Fine, but I get the bed."

"Ok", said Arrow, "I can live with that." Batman stalked off.

"Thank you so much", Superman breathed, relieved, "that man is going to be the death of me, I swear."

"He certainly isn't a team player", Arrow said, "Well, I'll get Speedy and we can go check out the room."

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"Seriously", Batman said incredulously, "no, this is not going to work." Arrow gave a grimace.

"This is pretty bad", he said. Batman and Green Arrow had found themselves staring into the hotel's one and only honeymoon sweet, the large, heart shaped bed dominating the room.

"This is too girly", Robin said, sticking out his tongue, "yuck."

"Yea", Speedy said.

"That's our only other room", the bellhop said, "Enjoy." He walked off snickering.

"I am not going to share a honeymoon sweet with another man", Batman said angrily.

"Ohh, stop being a pain", Arrow said, "it's just for one night. We'll only be in here to sleep."

"I wanna go swim in the pool", Robin said, "please, please, please can I go swim in the pool."

"Yea", said Arrow, "lets take the kids for a swim."

"Whatever" Batman grumbled.

"Yea", Robin screamed, and raced out of the room.

"Hold on Robin", Batman called after him, "you are not getting into that water until you've taken and analyzed samples. Now get back here." Arrow rolled his eyes and dug through his stuff for Speedy's bathing suit.

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"Catch me Flash, catch me", Kid Flash screamed, and jumped off the side of the pool. He leapt into his mentor's arms, splashing him. Flash laughed and tossed Kid Flash into the water. Kid Flash screamed and splashed Super boy, who made a tidal wave back at him. Kid Flash had to be saved by Aquaman before he drowned in Super boy's miniature tsunami.

"Super boy", Superman groaned, "splash gently, remember?"

"Alright, alright", Super boy grumbled, "gee you guys are all so annoying." Robin squealed and kicked his legs to rush to the side of the pool. "Please get in the water with me Batman, please, please, please." Batman shook his head.

"I'm having loads of fun watching you swim, much more fun then I would have actually swimming."

"But", Robin said in a wounded tone, "I want you to throw me in the pool."

"Have Aquaman throw you in the pool", Batman said, "Water boy's probably better at that anyway."

"No", Robin said, "I want you." Batman sighed and made a big show of being annoyed as he dipped his feet in the water.

"There", he said, "I'm in the pool." At that point Aquaman, seeing an easy target, sent a large spout of water towards Batman, knocking him off the edge of the pool and into the water. Batman came up sputtering and cursing. "Aquaman", he roared. Robin went hysterical with laughter and splashed Batman.

"Bet you can't catch me", he said. Batman, deciding to take the challenge, swam after him. Robin squealed and swam away as fast as he could.

Over on the other side of the pool, Green Arrow was desperately trying to coax Speedy into the pool. "Come on Speedy, please get in the water."

"But, it's scary", Speedy wailed, "I could drown."

"I'm right here Speedy", Arrow said, "you're not gona drown."

"I'm too little."

"Look", said Arrow, "Robin's your size and he's in the pool." Robin went shooting by at that point, Batman hot on his heels. Batman seized his small charge and swung him around, sending water flying everywhere.

"He's got Batman", Speedy replied in a matter of fact voice. Arrow frowned at him.

"You've got me", he said.

"Yea", said Speedy, "but Batman's more safe." Arrow gave a huff.

"I'm plenty safe", he said, puffing out his chest. A few girls in bikini's walked by, whistling at him. Speedy shook his little red head.

"You're good for lots of stuff Arrow, but when it comes to being safe, that's for Batman."

Arrow gave an enormous sigh and said, "Fine, if I get Batman over here, will you get in the pool?"

"I guess", Speedy said, looking wary.

"Yo Bats, get over here!" Batman swam over, leaving Robin to try to best Aqualad in a swimming contest. Everyone knew he would lose.

"What is it?" Batman asked.

"Speedy says you're more safe then me (where ever he got a dumb idea like that is beyond me) and won't get in the pool unless you're here."

"Well", Batman said, sounding self-satisfied, "I am, and it's safer dumb a…donkey, not more safe." Arrow stuck his tongue out at him and crossed his arms moodily.

"You better not cuss in front of my kid", he said, "or else."

"Come on, get in the water Speedy," Batman said, choosing to ignore Arrow. Speedy looked doubtful. "Come on", Batman coaxed, motioning for him to come, "jump and I'll catch you."

"You won't drop me, will you?" Speedy asked.

"No", said Batman, "of course not."

"Ok", Speedy said, and he launched himself off the side and into Batman's outstretched arms. Batman smiled at him.

"There you go", he said.

"Batman", Robin called demandingly, "race me."

"Coming", Batman said.

"But", whimpered Speedy, "you have to stay here." He held on tightly to Batman's arms.

"Don't worry", Batman said, "Arrow is adequately safe for this pool. Now, for something more dangerous, well…but anyway, this pool is about his maximum on guarantees of safety. You can trust him." Arrow gave a huff.

Batman handed Speedy back to the Green Arrow and rushed off to chase Robin, who was already screaming, "I'm winning Batman, I'm gona beat you."

"You won't let go, will you?" Speedy asked, clinging to Arrow like a monkey, "I don't like the water."

"Don't worry", Arrow said gently, "I won't let go."

Batman reached the side of the pool, gasping for breath. "I beat you Robin", he said.

"No fair", Robin pouted, pulling himself up so he was sitting on the edge, "You have longer legs. You're supposed to give me a head start."

"Hello there", a female voice said. Batman looked up to see a woman standing over him.

"Hello", he said, "Can I help you?"

"Perhaps you can", the girl replied, kneeling down, "Hi, my name's Crystal." She held out her hand to shake and Batman took it in his own.

"I couldn't help but over here you complaining about your room arrangements before. You know, my room's pretty empty and I'll be in there all alone. You can come in and it'll be just the two of us."

"Sorry", Robin said, "but Batman's sharing a room with me already."

"Buzz off kid", Crystal said. "Anyway, what do you say?"

"Sorry", said Batman, "but he's right, I am sharing a room with him."

"Yea", Robin said assertively, "with me."

"I said buzz off", Crystal snapped, "he'd rather spend the night with me anyway." She, at this point, shoved Robin off the side. He toppled backwards and into the water. It was the shallow side of the pool however, and Robin slapped the bottom. Batman quickly scooped him out of the water.

"Ouch", Robin whimpered, rubbing his head, "that hurt."

"Ohh, shut up kid, you didn't hit that hard. Anyway", Crystal said, her sultry voice returning, "I can get us Champaign and a couple videos and the bed is plenty big enough for two."

"No", Batman said coldly, eyes flashing with anger.

"Why not", the girl huffed.

"Because I wouldn't be caught within ten feet of you for anything. You people disgust me." And with that, he waded off. Robin was still rubbing his head and leaned up against Batman.

"What she said wasn't true, right", Robin said, "you wouldn't rather spend the night with her, would you?"

"No of course not Robin", Batman said soothingly, "why would I want to spend the night with that stupid slut, just forget about her. Come on, I'll race you to the other side."

"Ok", Robin said, old hurt forgotten as quickly as it had appeared. He dove out of Batman's arms and down to the depths of the pool.

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Batman rubbed his hair with a towel, drying it as best he could. There was only one bathroom in the honeymoon suite with a large shower and an extra large tub, which Arrow speculated was for doing naughty things in.

Because things were going to take so long, Arrow ran a bath in the extra big tub and had Speedy and Robin bathe together. He ended up, in the end, getting covered with bubbles and splashed with a great deal of water by the two giggling boys. Robin complained about not having bath toys, but Batman and Arrow were so exhausted after the day, they just told him to deal with it.

After Batman had decided the boys had had enough time to cover each other completely in bubbles, he rinsed Robin off and fished him out to dry him off and get him dressed. Batman had been forced to shower last, which was irritating because filling the tub had used most of the hot water. Arrow, who had gone first, was uncomplaining.

"Alright", Batman said after he considered his hair dry enough, "time for bed."

"No", Robin moaned. He was playing trucks with Speedy and was in no way going to submit to this outrage quietly.

"Why do we have to go to bed so early?" Speedy whined.

"Because Ollie and Bruce are tired", Arrow said, "now come on, lets turn out the lights. You can play tomorrow." He scooped up Speedy, clad in his Batman pajamas (which made Batman snicker), and put him on his hip.

"Are we sharing the bed Bruce", Robin asked.

"Yea", Bruce replied, "come on and get up."

"Wow", said Robin, "this bed is really springy, why is that?"

"No reason Dick", Bruce said quickly.

"It has to do with your name", Ollie called over.

"Oliver", Bruce said sharply.

"Alright, alright", Ollie said, "keep your hair on. I was only joking."

"Where are we sleeping Ollie?" Roy asked.

"On the ground over here", Ollie replied.

"Eww no", Roy said, "I'm not sleeping on the ground."

"Why not", Ollie asked.

"Because there's crawly things on the ground and I don't wanna sleep with the crawly things", Roy replied, "Please can we sleep on the bed."

"Bruce, can he share the bed with you?" Ollie asked.

"Sure", said Bruce.

"No", said Roy, "I wanna sleep with you."

"I thought Batman was more safe", Ollie said sardonically.

"Safer," Bruce put in. Ollie cast him an venomous.

"But I _love_ you", Roy replied, "please, please, please."

"Come on Bruce", Ollie said, "let us have the bed, just for one night." Bruce gave a groan.

"Fine", he said, "come on Dick, we get the ground." Dick grimaced.

"I'm staying on the bed", he said, "I'm not gona sleep with the crawly things, no way no how."

"Don't you want to sleep with me", Bruce asked.

"Not if I have to sleep with the crawly things too."

"So much for the loyalty of my child. I adopted you and saved your life several times and you won't even brave the floor of a half star hotel for me." Dick shrugged and lay down on the bed.

"Look Bruce", Ollie said, "Why don't you just get up on the bed with us? It's certainly big enough."

"No", said Bruce, "I am straight, I am not sleeping with another grown man and I'm especially not sleeping with another grown man in a heart shaped bed." He put his pillow on the ground and lay down.

"Alright", Ollie said, turning out the lights, "your funeral." He lay in the middle of the bed, Roy on one side and Dick on the other. Bruce lay on the ground.

It seemed he could hear every noise down there though. A suspicious chirping sound was coming from the corner and there was what seemed to be the sound of many legs inching closer and closer.

Ollie was just about to fall asleep when he heard a grunt. "Move over", a dark voice said. Ollie grinned.

"I thought you were gona sleep on the ground."

"I don't want to sleep with the crawly things", Bruce said. Ollie scooted over. "But", Bruce continued, "put both the boys in the middle. I want you as far away from me as possible."

"I love you too Bruce", Ollie replied sarcastically, picking up Roy and swinging him over to lie next to Dick in the center of the bed. There was peace for about five minutes before the complaining started.

"Stop kicking me Dick."

"I'm trying to stretch, you stick to your own side."

"Ouch Dick, you kicked me again."

"Don't be such a baby Roy"

"I'll show you being a baby."

"Ouch Roy, that really hurt, you're a meanie."

"Not as big a meanie as you."

"Yea well, you're an even bigger meanie then the Joker."

"You're a bigger meanie then every meanie put together in the whole wide world."

"Yea…well…I'm still cooler then you."

"Stop fighting", Bruce snapped at them, "I'm exhausted."

"He won't leave me alone", Roy said to Ollie.

"It's not my fault", Dick said, "He's hogging all the room." Bruce, so worn out at this point he could barely keep his eyes open, grabbed Dick and swung him over to his other side.

"But I wanna sleep in the middle", Dick whined.

"Go to sleep", Bruce roared, "or I'll go and sleep in Crystal's room." That made Dick fall quiet rather quickly and soon, everyone was asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Bruce rolled over from his side to his belly. He gave a sleepy sigh and his arms unconsciously tightened around Dick. Dick just relaxed. Bruce was having a truly excellent dream about Gotham and people he got to beat to a pulp there and was just about to beat someone else and make Gotham completely crime free, when he felt someone push on him.

He gave a growl and scooted over slightly on the bed. The push had woken him up, but he was not going to give the pusher the satisfaction of rousing him fully. However, he felt a sharp prod in the side and rolled over, eyes raging. "You better have a good reason for waking me up archer or I swear…" Ollie had a thoughtful expression on his face.

"Does this bed feel wet to you?" he asked.

"Hmm", Bruce said. He touched the bed beside him. Yup, it was definitely wet.

"What is that?" he asked, "I know for a fact that this is not a waterbed."

"I don't know" Ollie said, "it might be…" Suddenly, it seemed as if a realization dawned on him. "Aww Roy", he moaned.

"What?" Roy squeaked (he'd been awake the whole time, listening to the conversation).

"Roy, did you do this?" Ollie asked.

"Yea", Roy mumbled, eyes downcast. "I was gonna tell you."

"Roy", Ollie moaned, "this is like the what, fifth time. I told you, no water before bed."

"But I was really thirsty Ollie, and I only drank a little."

"This empty water bottle wouldn't happen to be yours?" Ollie asked. Roy looked pointedly away. Ollie sighed. "Come on", he said, scooping up Roy and pulling him out of the bed. Dick was still snoring quietly, completely asleep, so Bruce put him on a chair with one of the spare blankets. He knew if Dick woke up, he might never get him back to sleep. "Alright Roy, lets get you changed, I want to go back to bed."

"I'm sorry", Roy wailed softly.

"It's alright", Ollie said gently, helping the boy get changed.

"I'll change the sheets", Bruce said. "It's a honeymoon suite so there are bound to be clean sheets around here somewhere."

"Why's that?" Roy asked.

"Because new married couples wet the bed too", Ollie said.

"They do?" Roy asked incredulously.

"Sure", said Ollie, "lets go with that." Bruce changed the sheets and Ollie swung Roy back onto the bed. "Well", he said, "at least your bladder is empty now."

"But I'm thirsty Ollie", Roy said.

"You're not having a sip of anything until morning", Ollie replied. Roy gave a grumble, but curled up in the center of the bed. "Sorry Bruce", Ollie said, "I should have checked that he hadn't had anything before you got in bed with him." Bruce shrugged and picked up Dick, who was flopping in his arms like a rag doll.

"Honestly, between sleeping with Superman and sleeping with your kid, I'd take the latter." Ollie smiled and lay down next to Roy, who crawled up on his chest to sleep.

"If you wet while you're up here, you're never doing this again." Roy gazed at him indignantly.

"Ollie", he said, "that's mean. I don't wet that often."

"Don't embarrass him Ollie. If you do, you might wake Dick", Bruce grumbled, pulling Dick closer.

Ollie kissed Roy's forehead and said, "sorry kiddo." But, Roy was already asleep.

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When Bruce woke up in the morning, he felt arms circling his waist. He gave a sigh. Dick could be so clingy sometimes. Wait, Dick's arms weren't big enough to circle his waist and they weren't this strong either. Bruce put a hand down to touch one of the offending arms. Yup, Dick's arms were definitely not that hairy.

He opened one eye and looked down to see the emerald archer with his head on the dark knight's belly, quietly talking in his sleep. Bruce glared at Ollie for a few minutes, but he didn't wake up. "Ollie", he hissed. Ollie gave a grunt and tightened his grip. "Ollie, get off me right now", Bruce snapped.

"Why is my pillow talking?" Ollie muttered quietly to himself, "Did I have too much to drink again last night?" He looked up blearily and saw Bruce glaring at him. "Eww", he said with a shudder and rolled away. "That's gross Bruce", he said.

"Hey", said Bruce, "I wasn't the one getting cozy ok." He sat up slowly with a groan. "I'm going back to bed", he said, "I'm not waking up until noon."

"Aww, but Bruce", he heard a voice say. He looked down and saw Dick and Roy playing on the ground. "I wanted you to play with us."

"Later", Bruce said, rolling over. Suddenly, their door slammed open.

"Rise and shine everyone", a cheery voice called. The two billionaires groaned and pulled sheets over their heads.

"Hi Clark", Roy and Dick chorused, rushing up to greet the man of steel. Clark lifted them both up easily and put them on his shoulders.

"Get up you two", Clark called to the men still in the bed.

"Go back to bed farm boy", Ollie groaned, "some of us civilized folk are trying to sleep."

"But the cock has already crowed", Clark called, "and we have to be on the road."

"I'm gona make your cock crow if you don't get out of here right this second", Bruce growled.

"Bruce", Clark said looking horribly offended, "there are children present."

"Aww, Dick doesn't care", Bruce grumbled.

"I don't usually understand", Dick said, shrugging his shoulders.

"Yea, Roy neither", Ollie called, "go away Smallville."

"I'm going to pull off the covers", Clark called. Bruce and Ollie burrowed deeper into their blankets.

"Alright", said Clark, "here I go.' He grabbed then ends of the sheets and yanked them away. Ollie and Bruce made sounds similar to the ones a vampire might make when exposed to sunlight. "Get up", said Clark, "we need an early start." Then, they heard a woman screaming and high yappy barking. Clark swiftly turned tail, putting Roy and Dick down.

"I'll be back for you two", he said to Bruce and Ollie and then strode out of the room yelling "Superboy, I told you, no terrorizing people's dogs." Bruce and Ollie got up slowly, grumbling quietly about Clark and other things they probably shouldn't have said in front of impressionable nine year olds.

0000000

Soon, everyone was loaded into the van. The kids were bouncing up and down in barely contained exuberance while the adults (all but Superman of course) were grumbling about early mornings. "I need coffee", Flash moaned, "please let's stop at Starbucks."

"No", said Superman, who happened to be driving that morning, "we have to go further before we stop, we just started."

"I'm hungry", whined Bruce, "that free continental breakfast was terrible."

"The water at that place sucked", Aquaman complained, "can we go by an ocean some time."

"Would you all quit whining", Superman said, "gee, you guys are worse then the kids."

"Batman", Robin said, "I'm bored, entertain me."

"Look out the window", Batman said, "I'm asleep."

"No your not", Robin chortled, "you're talking to me."

"I'm talking in my sleep", Batman grunted, leaning against the seat back with his eyes closed.

"Can he really do that?" Kid Flash asked.

"No", said Robin, poking Batman's nose, "wake up silly." Batman opened one eye.

"Go look out the window", he groaned.

"Fine", said Robin, sounding offended. After about two minutes however, he said, "There's nothing out there but sticks and trees." Batman said nothing. Robin put his hand on his cheek and gazed out the window. "Sticks and trees, sticks and trees, all I see is sticks and trees", he sang quietly. Gradually though, his singing got louder and louder until everyone in the car was on edge and annoyed.

But, they knew if they got angry with Robin, they would have Batman to answer for and nobody wanted that. Batman, however, snapped before any of them really did. "Robin", he roared, "stop singing."

"Yeesh", said Robin, "somebody's in a bad mood."

"Ok", said Superman, "how about we play the quiet game."

"Seriously", Aqualad asked, "how old do you think we are, five? We are too smart to fall for that old ploy."

"Lets play eye spy", said Wonder Woman.

"Ohh, ok", said Robin. "I spy with my little eye…"

"It's a car", Batman said.

"Yea", said Robin, "how'd ya know?" Batman shrugged and shifted his weight to sleep better.

"How did you know?" Arrow asked.

"You'll see", said Batman, "keep playing."

Twenty minutes later

"Ok", said Robin, "I spy with my little eye…"

"It's a car", the adults said dryly in unison.

"Wow", said Robin, "you guys are good."

"Batman, how long do we have to play this game?" Flash asked.

"Until he gets bored", Batman replied, "you're entertaining him and that means he's not bothering me."

"I'm tired of this game", Robin said, "Can we play something else?"

"Alright Batman", Aquaman said, "You've slept for long enough. It's your turn to entertain the kids."

"Yea!" six small voices from the back seat chorused. Batman grumbled angrily for a moment before turning around to face the kids.

"Alright", said Batman, "lets sing that song about the bus."

"No", said Robin, "I hate the bus song."

"Come on", said Batman. Robin gave him an angry looking frown.

"One round", he said.

"Alright", Batman replied. So, Robin and all the kids in the back started to sing.

"The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round, the wheels on the bus go round and round, all through the town."

"Ok", said Batman, "the radius of the wheels is ten point five inches, what is the circumference?" All the other kids in the back looked somewhat perplexed, but Robin continued to sing in a bored voice that suggested he had done this way to many times.

"The circumference of the wheels is 65.94 inches."

"What about the area of the wheel?"

"The area of the wheel is 346.185 inches squared."

"Very good Robin, now, if the bus is traveling at fifty miles an hour and it's going towards a bus stop that is seventy miles away, how long will it take to get there?"

"This game is lame Batman", Aqualad said, "lets play something else."

"Okay Batman", Flash said, "you are officially the worst child entertainer ever. I truly believe now that you can make anything boring. Now kids, who wants to play a real game?"

"Yea!" the kids all screamed.

"Ok", said Flash, "I brought that car ride bingo."

"Does that have math in it?" Batman asked.

"No", said Flash.

"Then Robin can't play", Batman said, "he has to play the bus game with me."

"No", Robin moaned, "I'm playing bingo with Flash."

"He can add up numbers of license plates or something", Flash said, "now leave us be." Batman did some more grumbling and turned around to read his book.

About twenty minutes later, Wonder Girl screamed, "Bingo."

"You don't have a bingo", Super boy said, "you only have four."

"Oops", said Wonder Girl. Suddenly though, Superman slammed on the brakes and Bingo pieces went flying, covering Batman.

"Who did that?" Batman roared. The kids were giggling in the back.

"What's wrong Clark?" Wonder Woman asked.

"Look", said Superman, quivering with excitement. He was pointing at a small sign by the side of the road. Green Arrow squinted at it.

"World's largest ball of string?"

"Wait", said Aquaman, 'you are not serious about this are you, it's like fifty miles out of our way."

"I don't care", said Superman, "we're going to see it."

"No", said Batman, "I don't want to go and see that."

"We're going to see it", Superman said, "and that's final." He stamped back on the gas and the van roared towards the world's biggest ball of string.

"No", Arrow screamed, "You cannot make me see that stupid ball of string. We need to get back to civilization, I need a coffee and a cheese burger."

"No", said Superman.

"We'll fight you for the wheel", said Batman, and both heroes dove for Superman.

000000

"Water Robin", Batman moaned.

"Ok", Robin said gleefully, and squirted water into Batman's mouth from the inside of the van. Batman pushed as hard as he could up against the bumper of the car, Green Arrow by his side pushing too. Both heroes were sweating.

"Come on", Arrow yelled, "you guys have like super strength. We're the only two guys who would even have a problem pushing this stupid van so why do we have to do it."

"Because", Superman said from the air-conditioned interior of the vehicle, "you broke it so now you have to push it."

"It's your fault stupid", Arrow said, "if you hadn't tried to make us go see that stupid ball of string. You know, it's probably not even that big." Batman nodded, panting furiously.

"I hate road trips", he muttered.

"Me too", Arrow said.

"Hey", whispered Kid Flash, "I'll be you two three bucks your dad's won't make it another four miles."

"Naw", said Robin, "they won't make it another two."

"Robin", Batman moaned, "you're betting against me, your own mentor!" Robin shrugged.

"No use parting with good money for family's sake."

"Yea", said Speedy, "I say Arrow collapses within the next half mile."

"You're on", said Wonder Girl.

Arrow gave Speedy an appalled look and said through tortured gasps, "Guess who's not getting a Christmas present this year you little whelp." He was going to say more, but he had to stop then because the car gave a shudder and slid backwards, slamming into him.

"Sorry", Batman grunted. Arrow gave him a dark look and they kept pushing.

000000

Well, the two heroes exceeded everyone's expectations and managed to push the car all the way to the world's largest ball of string, which luckily, also had a car repair shop. "This is so cool", Superman said, walking circles around it. Green Arrow and Batman lounged in the café nearby, drinking ice water and muttering darkly to each other. Robin bounced up to Superman. He tugged on his cape. "What is it Robin?" Superman asked.

"What's sex?"

"Umm", said Superman, "maybe you should go ask Batman that question."

"Well", said Robin, "I just heard Batman and Green Arrow talking and Batman said all the sex you'd ever had was with farm animals." Superman's face turned a shade of red Robin had never seen before and stomped away.

"Batman", he roared. Superman stalked into the café. "Stop saying vulgar things about me in front of your child Batman", Superman snapped, "it hurts my feelings that you would say things like that about me."

"Ohh, give it a rest", Batman said, "I just pushed that damn van ten miles up the damn road. I can say whatever I damn like."

"Especially if it's true", Arrow added. Superman glared at the two of them.

"Can we leave now", Flash moaned, "this is boring, the coffee sucks. I want my Starbucks."

"Yea", said Arrow, "I want a cheese burger."

"You ruined my day Batman", Superman sniffed.

"Yippee", Batman said darkly, waving a napkin.

"At least we got the car fixed", said Aquaman, who was pouring multiple glasses of water over himself and Aqualad, sitting on his lap.

"Well", said Superman, "the only way you can make me forgive you is if we all take a picture in front of the string."

"Why again do I care about your forgiveness?" Batman asked dryly.

"Come on", Superman said, grabbing Batman's arm, "You too archer."

"Stop it", Batman snapped, "you're invading my personal space."

"Come on", said Superman, dragging Batman and Green Arrow over to the ball of string. "There, now stay there while I get the others."

Batman tried to sneak off, but Superman used his super breath to freeze his feet in place. After that, Batman stood grumbling. "Alright", the owner of the string said, "everybody say cheese."

Later in life, when Superman looked at that picture, he was a little disappointed. The picture showed Batman and Green Arrow laughing (which was extremely out of character for Batman) while the giant ball of string rolled away, due to the fact that Superboy had accidentally given it a shove.

One of the only memories that picture conjured up was him, the Flash and Wonder Woman chasing down the giant ball of string as it bounced across the countryside. Batman and Green Arrow wouldn't even help pay for the damages.

"But you're rich", Superman had moaned after they got the string back in place, "I'm on a reporter's salary so it would mean living off canned beans for me for a year. For you two, it would be like paying for dinner."

Batman shrugged wickedly and said, "Well, it was your fault so I think you should have to take care of it. I seem to recall someone saying the same thing to Arrow and me while we were pushing the van." Superman had stalked off grumbling, leaving Arrow to help Batman thaw his feet. That helped ease the blow to his pride a little, but not the blow to his wallet.

That night, after driving in the hot sun for another several hours, they finally made it to a small town with an even smaller motel. Again, they would have to share rooms. "Alright", said Batman, noticing a cockroach crawling around the floor of the hotel, "I think I'll share a room with Arrow again." Just then though, Arrow gave a yelp.

"Speedy", he moaned, "no." Everyone looked over to see Speedy chugging a rather large water bottle.

"Sorry", said Speedy sheepishly after Arrow had snatched the bottle away, "I was thirsty."

"Aww Speedy", Arrow moaned.

"Ok", said Batman, "I'm not sharing a bed with him tonight."

"Ohh Batman", Superman said, "you can share a room with me."

"I'd rather die", Batman snarled.

"Just do it Batman", Wonder Woman said, "Arrow has to have his own room since it looks like Speedy's going to be putting on water works tonight."

"That's mean", Speedy moaned.

"I don't wanna share a bed with Superman", Batman moaned, "he's creepy."

"That's mean Batman", Superman said.

"Well", said Flash, "share a bed with him or the roaches."

"Why can't I share with someone else", Batman asked.

"Because", said Wonder Woman, "Flash is staying with Aquaman, I'm staying alone…"

"Can't I stay with you", Batman said, cutting her off.

"No", said Wonder Woman, "I'm a woman, I need my own room."

Batman gave a snarl, counted to twenty and said, "Fine, I'll share a room with Superman."

"Yea", said Superman, "we'll have so much fun." He put his arm around Batman's shoulders and started to lead him towards their room.

"Get off me", Batman snapped.

"Ok, ok", said Superman, backing off.

000000

The room had again only one bed, although it wasn't a honeymoon suite, which was good because that probably would have pushed Batman over the edge. "Alright Robin", Batman said, "we're going to bed in a minute. Let me change and shower and then you can."

"Ok", said Robin, "we can play." He bounced over to Superboy. Not for too long, Batman said. Robin nodded and dumped out his backpack, which was full of cars. Batman gave a sigh and headed for the bathroom.

Batman was just about to put on his clothes after his shower with he heard Robin give a scream of terror. As soon as Batman rushed in, a towel tied around his waist, Robin and Superboy were scrambling up him, crying their eyes out.

"What's wrong?" Batman asked urgently, collecting to two frightened boys up in his arms so they wouldn't pull down his towel.

"That", Robin said with a terrified wail. There, on the ground, where Robin was pointing, was the largest centipede Batman had ever seen. Batman backed up, feeling intimidated, with Superboy and Robin clinging to him like baby monkeys.

"I'll kill it", said Superman coming in. He stomped down as hard as he could on the bug a ripped a hole in the floor. There were some screams from below them and Batman looked through the hole to see a small family surrounding a pile of wrecked floor. "Sorry", Superman called down sheepishly, "I'll fix it."

"Batman", Robin cried, "I don't like this place, I wanna go somewhere else. It's scary."

'I know Robin", Batman said soothingly, "but it'll be ok."

"I wanna go back home", Superboy wailed.

"Me too", Robin said.

"Me three", Batman mumbled foul naturedly.

000000

Batman gave a groan and rubbed his back. "Superman", he moaned, "move your child, he's going to break my back."

"Hey", said Superman, "it's not my fault he kicks in his sleep. Just let me sleep next to you and we can turn him towards the wall or something."

"No", said Batman.

"Quit being a baby Batman", Superman said, "just let me sleep next to you. I promise, I won't speak, I won't touch you, I won't even look at you." Batman gave him a withering look.

"Fine", he said.

"Thank you", Superman said, "Gee, you complain way too much."

"At that precise moment", Robin started crying again.

"Robin", Batman said, trying his best to keep his temper, "it's ok, the bugs can't get up on the bed."

"But I'm scared", Robin wailed.

"You're safe here with me", Batman said, "I promise I'll protect you."

"Can I sleep on your chest?" Robin asked, "I'll be higher off the ground."

"Alright", said Batman, "but please go to sleep, I'm exhausted." Robin peered down over the side of the bed, gave a loud squeal and clambered onto Batman's chest, stepping hard on his stomach and in between his legs. Batman gave a grunts of pain.

"Robin", he moaned.

"I just saw a really big one", Robin wailed, "I don't think you're high enough off the ground. The bugs could crawl over here and get me."

"Alright", Superman soothingly, "Would you like to sleep between us then? That way, you'll be protected from both sides."

Robin seemed to ponder this for a moment before saying, "Ok." He crawled over Batman, stepping on him roughly again before settling down between the two older men.

"Move closer together", Robin said, pulling on Batman to draw him closer. He was only satisfied when he was sandwiched firmly between Batman and Superman so that Batman's forehead was a few centimeter's away from the man of steel's. Superman gave him a amused look and shrugged.

"Only for Robin", he said through gritted teeth, "only for Robin." Then, he put an arm around Robin's waist and tried his best to fall asleep.


End file.
